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Showing posts from June, 2012

Heartsease

I do not use two thumbs when I text. I usually just hold my phone and use one thumb. If I attempt to text quickly, I'll usually have lots of typos. Most of my typos are corrected before I really notice. It's nifty that I do not have to capitalize or pause to place apostrophes. Sometimes, however, auto correct chooses the wrong word.

I was responding to a text today and meant to type the word heartache. My typo caused the phone to change the word to heartsease. I had never heard of this word before, but I paused. I sensed its importance, so I looked up the definition: peace of mind, calmness, tranquility, serenity. It is what God promises us - to truly ease our troubled hearts. He promises that in the face of all of the heartache and in the midst of the brokenness. He is our heartsease. And His Word echoes our love story and all the ways He woos us, draws us to Himself. But, I think sometimes the heartaches of this life cause of to question our True Love. Sometimes we don'…

Starting Over

I am somewhat of an enigma in that I can be very spontaneous and outgoing, but at my core I cherish consistency. I went back to this post early this morning.

I needed to reread it to remind myself that over 6 months ago I vowed to trust God with where He was leading me. He has led, and I have followed. His Word is full of His promises repeating over and over again. And I need to hear them over and over again because the voices from my past tend to want to drown them out - voices of careless Christians who damaged me. After all, I had enough issues accepting God's grace at first. I didn't need others to solidify the sentiment that I was worthless. I know that God used the ugly in all those situations to cause growth in my life. For that, I am grateful. 
I remember a few years ago, sitting in a meeting of another church where the pastor, upon trying to impress new members, had asked the current members what brought them to this particular church and what kept them there. Every …

Five Years Ago...

Five years ago today my sweet grandpa went to his eternal home. It was over four and a half years after his beloved bride. I never thought he'd make it so long, honestly. I was convinced that a broken heart would usher him heavenward in his sleep that first long and lonely year. Yet, it didn't. He would say that he didn't know why he had to stick around, but that there must have been things he still needed to do.
I know that in caring for him those last years, I learned so much. I learned that even after a life of sacrificing for others, he still had a hard time letting anyone do anything for him. I learned that sometimes you just had to do it anyway :) I learned how to be persistent with someone who could be stubborn (like as the day is long!). I learned to be an advocate, even if he didn't want me to be. I learned that sometimes you have to stand up to those you love because it's the right thing to do ("I know you don't like doctors or hospitals, but we…

Adversity

Adversity. It isn't a topic that many people care to dwell on, yet I have been pondering it. In my quiet time, I came upon Proverbs 17:17. It is fairly well-known: "A friend loves at all times." But wait, that's not the end of it. The verse goes on to say, "and is born, as is a brother, for adversity." I read the words over and over again, letting them sink in. A friend loves at all times, and is born, as is a brother, for adversity. And I thought about how often we dismiss the well-known verses, or just take parts of scripture, possibly out of context, for our own purposes {but that's a post for another day :) }

The word 'friend' is used so flippantly nowadays. We have hundreds of friends on Facebook and other social media outlets. Unfortunately, many of these so-called friends are merely acquaintances, but we confuse the two. And there are also those who may be closer than simple acquaintances, but they are only interested (able?) to walk the p…

Settling...

Everyone had left for the day. I sat in my office and went through paperwork, cleared out old messages, and added items to my to-do list. Eventually, I noticed that it was completely quiet; my playlist had come to an end. I glanced up to see what time it was as it is often hard to gauge the time from my vantage point. Beige upon beige, muted grays, varying shades of brown, and  muddy blues are the prevalent color scheme. The fluorescent lights cast an artificial glow. And it can all feel artificial at times. Lifeless. It can feel as if there is this impenetrable shell we have constructed to protect us, even from God himself. And we go through the motions never stopping to see, never realizing that we are made to reach out. To reach out beyond ourselves and the lives that we have made so very small by filling them with such big things that are ultimately meaningless.

And God isn't the one with the drab palette. But, we have settled for it all too often. I breathe deep, move my cha…

The Legacy of a Bastard

Technically my parents were married when I was born, but they divorced before my first birthday. I don't really remember a time without my grandparents; they were a constant source of stability in my life. I knew I had a dad, but he was almost nonexistent. I would see him on Christmas Eve. I can remember being traumatized as a little girl because at one particular holiday gathering with the paternal side of my family I couldn't remember which man was "Daddy Mike".

And growing up, I didn't feel the void. After all, I had my grandpa. Years went by and my dad remarried. He attempted, at the prompting of his new wife, to develop a relationship with my brother and I when we were preteens. I remember him addressing his absenteeism so nonchalantly, as he said, "I didn't want to complicate the matter. I didn't want it to be confusing. I thought you would be better off." And even at 12, I could see how flimsy those excuses were. I could see how it was c…

Philippians 4:7

My husband had asked for the last three days off from work. Originally, he had planned to spend a day shadowing a possible new job. This, however, didn't pan out. But, I tried to make the best of it. Our eighteenth anniversary is just around the corner, so I tried to squeeze in some extra time with him. We went out to eat one afternoon and did all of our errands. Then, last night {a school night even!} we went to see 'Snow White and the Huntsman'. We had both expressed interest in seeing it, which is a miracle in and of itself since we rarely agree on movies =)

Anyway, at the close of the movie (and in line with the fairy tale), the evil Queen Ravenna attempts to take Snow White's heart. Snow White fought back and emphatically tells Ravenna, "You cannot have my heart." And those words struck me. I've been pondering them since.

As a little girl, I remember overhearing my grandparents discussing me from time to time.They would sit together in the predawn h…