Skip to main content


Showing posts from January, 2011

Cheap Grace?

I spent some time in the Word this evening looking at grace/salvation. One of the best chunks of scripture on this topic, in my opinion, is Romans 6.

Since we're free in the freedom of God, can we do anything that comes to mind? Hardly. You know well enough from your own experience that there are some acts of so-called freedom that destroy freedom. Offer yourselves to sin, for instance, and it's your last free act. But offer yourselves to the ways of God and the freedom never quits...I'm using this freedom language because it's easy to picture. You can readily recall, can't you, how at one time the more you did just what you felt like doing—not caring about others, not caring about God—the worse your life became and the less freedom you had?
But now that you've found you don't have to listen to sin tell you what to do, and have discovered the delight of listening to God telling you, what a surprise! A whole, healed, put-together life right now, with more and…


Sometimes we aren't prepared. Sometimes unexpected things come and we can only sit back and watch, like mere spectators, as things spiral out of control. Sometimes we can barely utter a weak and desperate breath prayer as time seems to slow down while every painful detail and careless word is indelibly etched in our minds.

And this feels horrid. This sense of permanence in the fleeting moment (because who really knows what the next moment will hold except El Roi -the God who sees?).

He hears my breathless prayers from a breaking heart and even speaks through the pain. As the tears fall, I hear, "Give this time".

So, I choke back a sob and listen to the Keeper of Time, because hasn't everything been done in His perfect time? I think of Isaiah and I know that my thoughts are not His, nor are my ways. There is peace in this reminder.

Tonight, while watching a video with the youth, I learned something new. The southern steps to the Temple Mount are uneven. You can'…


I sat in a dark room tonight, alone, eating a stale bowl of cereal with old milk, wondering how I got to this place. Head cloudy, chest full and heart aching. And I am so disappointed in myself.

Nothing seems to be going right and it is bothering me (which bothers me immensely). Being sick hasn't helped my disposition and I'm not handling things well. I'm over-emotional and find my joy fading as Glenn is unemployed once again and everything seems forced or strained. Communication. Relationships.

I feel misunderstood as I struggle with the bitterness that is welling up inside me.

And I can't bare it. And I cry out to be sustained. I long for a faith-response, even if met by silence because the silence seems suffocating as of late. A response that isn't based on my circumstances.

And I want to breathe. I want to live. To truly live a life set apart. And maybe to have that life set apart, everything must be stripped until it's just Him.

So if it's just Yo…

Winter Thaw

January 11, 2011. 1.11.11. Eleven days into the new year. Newness. Grace upon grace. A passing of old, an ushering in of all things new.

But what when old is stubborn? What if winter refuses to fade? What of newness then?

I reach out for grace and beg freeze to thaw. Beg life to spring forth from the barren. And it is relentless, this season that chastises and mocks me so. It illuminates the ice and all of the ways in which I need to grow. To grow with the Grace-giver guiding that I may cling tightly to Him in spite of freeze. Because of the freeze.

I ask for grace afresh as I remember that there are still things I can change...As I remember what is truly important. And I think to myself, 'not this'. Not most of the things that occupy my mind and keep me hostage, paralyzed to act.

And I am thankful tonight for the ways in which I am met here, in the wintertime. Thankful for the Grace-giver who never tires of mercies anew and the stretching in the ice. Thankful for the abu…