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Showing posts from November, 2010

Something New...

I love the Old Testament. I think it is highly overlooked and underrated. Sure, people love the Psalms and maybe even some Proverbs, but the OT has so much more, beyond beautiful songs and warnings against folly.

The OT is steeped in history (so much more than the go-to Sunday School stories). It is full of prophets proclaiming the Messiah and the message to turn and repent. It is a message of hope. Today was the first Sunday in Advent; the Sunday where we light the Prophesy candle of hope. What is Advent, really? It's translation means "coming". But is it just a celebration of sweet baby Jesus who was born in a manger, or does it carry the weight of an expectation that He will come again?

As I find myself in Isaiah lately, I can't help but be enveloped in that hope that is permeated with expectancy. He is doing a new thing, whether we like it or not; whether we choose to be teachable or not.

Today I begin my 36th year and I look back at last year. Did I give my a…

Losing Everything, But...

I try my best to preoccupy my mind with other insignificant things, but the thoughts return to me and with them an abiding sadness. I don't feel like much of anything. I don't feel like hanging out or talking, because the tears I try desperately to contain easily betray me.

I haven't been to church for weeks. Sure, I was working and had other stuff going on, but I know those are really just excuses. And, now when I say that I do not feel well, it's not a lie. I don't.

And I don't know what to do.

I never thought this week would come. The week where Glenn receives his last unemployment check. I remember the holidays last year; they were hard. I remember thinking how thankful I was that the following year wouldn't be like this one. And it's not.

It's worse.

So, while people are making holiday plans and doing their holiday shopping, I sit and ponder questions.

I look for cheaper places to live, but can't really find any. So, we stay and then …

Learning Curve

I haven't had too much to say lately. I have, however, had a lot of time to reflect.

I don't really have any profound insights, yet I am learning nonetheless. Learning things about God and about me (and others as well).

I am learning that God isn't an absentee father to bastard children, He doesn't play favorites, nor is He an abusive step father. He can handle everything -- my questions and my emotions that are thinly veiled. I can be raw with Him. In fact, He wants nothing less than for me to be real with Him.

I am learning that I can reach a point where I withdraw. I am there now. I disdain pretending and I would rather weather a storm alone than bring others into the storm with me. I hear sweet friends offer up pleas to support me, walk with me, and I have to admit that I am not sure what that looks like. I just know I would rather retreat than to bring attention or concern to myself and bring others down.

I have a servant's heart and I love to serve. I am …