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Showing posts from January, 2012

Practice Makes Perfect {almost}

Days blend into one another and time passes quickly. Season after season and year after year. The boys I birthed grow in inches and independence, one already a man. I wonder if it is all enough. Enough attention. Enough teaching. Enough love. Yet, every day is a new opportunity. And in our brokenness is grace. Sometimes grace isn't my first response though, and sometimes I am not given grace in return. As easily as I can dissect the things that seem damaged, I can also see love displayed in the small kindnesses. I pray that grace-filled love is fostered and will grow as my family grows older. Tonight, I pray that I would have a servant's heart for my family, even when it feels like I am alone in this, even when all of my daily responsibilities leave me weary.  
And, I pray, like I have since I rededicated my life to the Lord when I was 21, this scripture prayer: That I would be a good wife; responsive. That my husband who, indifferent as he is to any words about God, will be ca…

Storms...

It has been an interesting season. I'm really not sure how I would classify it, but I see growth and change. So, maybe this is finally the hope-filled spring that I've been long awaiting. 
Those of you who follow me know that this new year brought a longing to be quiet and still. Such things are not innate to me; they are challenging. Interestingly enough, I was sick from the end of December through Mid-January. I literally worked and only took care of the things that had to be done. Otherwise, I was resting. I would spend my weekends at home, drinking hot tea, and gearing up for the coming week. This was completely atypical for me. Usually my weekends had very little down time. Guess what? I am feeling better, but I am still enjoying quiet time at home. I see the benefits of this time. Time to not be hurried. Time for reflection. Time for quiet. Time for renewal. Time for Sabbath rest. 
Today's reflection: 
I heard the rain off and on during the middle of the night. I awoke …

So Overrated

My dear sister, who is walking through a hard valley, sent me a text today. She said that sometimes she is just at a loss for words. I found myself nodding knowingly as my heart resonated with hers. Sometimes there aren't words. I responded that sometimes words are overrated. Aren't they? Especially when they are empty. Especially when they are flippant, or simply careless.

Words. Words that string together like pearls on a strand to form sentences that convey our thoughts. I think of the trivial niceties exchanged by people on a daily basis. I wonder about the impact of our words. I wonder how often fake polite voices unconvincingly mask indifference.

And sometimes people just need someone to listen to them. Really listen. Sometimes there aren't answers. But, it is hard to be quiet, isn't it? Silence feels awkward; it is uncomfortable. In as much as I want to learn to be still before God, I also desire to learn the discipline of silence when appropriate. Conversely, …

Moving Beyond Safe

"Community is the place where the person you least want to live with always lives. Often we surround ourselves with the people we most want to live with, thus forming a club or clique, not a community. Anyone can form a club; it takes grace, shared vision, and hard work to form a community." ~ Henri Nouwen

It's almost absurd how many people have quoted Nouwen in their books or articles, but here I am, quoting him on my blog because, 1) It's a succinct quote, and 2) It's true.

This weekend I have been thinking heavily on the subjects of relationships and community. Before I get too far into my thoughts, I want to disclose that I haven't been to a church in over two months. I hadn't intended for this to happen. I was sick during some of this time, but that really wasn't the paramount reason. Then, what was?

I am not sure I have a complete answer, but in some sense it became the safe choice. I think choosing a safe choice is a typical response after s…

Home...

I adore the house in which I live. It is old and quirky. It is small, but affordable. There isn't a master suite. In fact, it has only one bathroom. But, it has enough room for the four of us. And life is full with work and responsibilities. I pause to remember how it is all temporary. This time here is a blink of an eye compared to eternity, yet it sometimes feels so far away. Sometimes my focus is overtaken by the seemingly urgent things of this life.

I told a co-worker this week that I thought I was dying (at least that is what it sounded like). The truth is we are all dying, but to what? Dying to self? There's a line from an old hymn that says. "You have only one life, so soon it will pass. Only what's done for Christ will last." And I want to serve Him in everything; I want to remember my home. I want to focus on things eternal and ponder them all in my heart.

Just after Christmas, I went to the outside storage looking for some frames for Gavin's artwor…

Hearing the Heartbeat...

Five days into the New Year...Funny how it's easy to go back to what is known, what is easy and comfortable. And, I suppose, that is where stagnation and complacency are born. But rarely do we see it for what it is, do we? The truth is, we are so complacent, so happily luke-warm, that it doesn't seem askew. Or, perhaps more alarming, we are so busy that we know things are askew, but act as though we are victims to the life we have carved out by our own choices.

Something I read keeps coming back to me: If it matters, you make the time. If it doesn't, you make excuses. As I thought about it more, I was so convicted by this. How many times have I bought the lies of my own excuses? The harsh realization is, if it was something I truly wanted, if it was something I truly deemed worthwhile, if it mattered to me, then I would do it.

So, as I move forward and take ownership of my choices, I am still thinking about what it means to "be still" before God. And, just as o…