Five days into the New Year...Funny how it's easy to go back to what is known, what is easy and comfortable. And, I suppose, that is where stagnation and complacency are born. But rarely do we see it for what it is, do we? The truth is, we are so complacent, so happily luke-warm, that it doesn't seem askew. Or, perhaps more alarming, we are so busy that we know things are askew, but act as though we are victims to the life we have carved out by our own choices.
Something I read keeps coming back to me: If it matters, you make the time. If it doesn't, you make excuses. As I thought about it more, I was so convicted by this. How many times have I bought the lies of my own excuses? The harsh realization is, if it was something I truly wanted, if it was something I truly deemed worthwhile, if it mattered to me, then I would do it.
So, as I move forward and take ownership of my choices, I am still thinking about what it means to "be still" before God. And, just as old habits are hard to break, this discipline of stillness seems hard. More than hard, it feels awkward. But, I know there is a reason for it. I know I need to persevere through it. Interestingly enough, I have had to spend the last week or so resting. My sleep is interrupted by coughing and the fatigue is so severe it takes a concerted effort just to get through the day. I try to focus my jumbled thoughts and listen. Breath in. Breath out. Still. Listen. Breath in. Breath out Still. Listen. Heartbeat.
There is a newness to the silence. I am learning that I do not have to try to fill the silence with awkward dialogue. That isn't the point really, but what is? I am sensing that the point is to be still and listen until the heartbeat I hear, the heartbeat I recognize, is His. No excuses.
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