Something New Already...

2011 isn't ending the way in which I would choose. No parties, no friends, no frivolity. But, that really encapsulates some of the hard things of this year, so maybe it is only appropriate that this is the way in which the New Year is ushered in: with feeble quietness from the sick (in body and heart-weary).

I've had some time to reflect on this past year. And, there were many indescribable heartaches, but I can also say without a doubt, that there were many victories. And moreover, in it all, in the midst of the atrocious mire, was Jehovah-Nissi (The Lord is My Banner). And there isn't victory without struggle. But, as I look to step from 2011 to 2012, I recognize my place. I can do nothing on my own accord, in my own power.

And then, staring back at me from a Christmas Starbucks disposable cup that housed hot tea three days prior: When we're together I know I'll never fall. And there is truth in that. Just as Peter floated above the waves when he focused on Jesus, I, too, must fix my eyes on the Author and Perfecter of my faith. I, too, need to let go of the battles in my heart, for My Banner says that He will fight for me if I remain STILL (Ex. 14:14).

And some Roman philosopher (later used in a song by Semisonic) said, "Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end." So, it is time (well past time in some areas that I have white-knuckled out of fear) for a beginning's end and a new beginning to come.

For me, on this New Year's Eve, I take comfort in knowing that all of my days are hemmed in. I know that I do not have to be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God (Corrie Ten Boom). I know that I don't need to see the whole staircase to take the first step in faith (MLK Jr). And it's more than just nifty quotes that I adore because in my spirit, I feel the nudging to learn what it means to truly be still. What would that look like to truly live like I knew I couldn't fall? To live without fear because perfect love casts out fear (1 John 4:18)?

As long as I draw grace-breath, there is learning and a newness of each dawn that by miraculous mercy doesn't require the waiting for each new year before another beginning's end. Tomorrow just happens to be the start of a new day and new year! Shalom. xo.