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Showing posts from November, 2014

This Little Light of Mine

Yesterday morning, I sat in the darkness of my room. It's that time of year where the mornings and evenings are typically chilly, but the sun's perseverance warms the midday hours. I put on socks to warm my feet and hymns to warm my heart that was feeling heavy. In the midst of all the unrest, I was restless. Mourning and rejoicing was still the companion of my thoughts.

And here's where it gets convoluted: finding some sort of balance. What does it look like to be able to rejoice about all of the good without somehow blocking out or ignoring the mournful bad?

It's easy to feel disconnected, I think, when we aren't directly affected. It's easy to live safe lives inside our carefully crafted constructs. Until we are affected, that is. Until it is our loved one dying, our sick child in the hospital, our city that is engulfed in flames...

In the darkness, I lit a single candle. I was caught off guard as I marveled at how the small, flickering flame illuminated the…

Juxtaposition

I feel things. Deeply. I can get stuck in my head. Just me and my feelings. Hanging out for days, weeks. And what I am feeling, and therefore thinking, may or may not always be an accurate reflection of truth, but merely my skewed perception.

Recently, I was going through a rough time, a dry spiritual season so to speak. You see, I didn't feel God. At all. And for someone who relies far too heavily on her feelings, this was disastrously problematic. I wasn't really doing anything to address the situation, in fact, I think I was running from it altogether {I'm also pretty good at avoidance}.

Then Friday happened...

As I have reflected on what transpired, I first just have to say that I am blessed to work with a wise, godly man. He lives out his faith and leads with the sacrificial love of a true servant. He acts justly, loves mercy, and walks humbly (Micah 6:8). He extends grace and is calm and even-keeled. I just simply adore him and his heart for Jesus and for others. Any…

of silent things

Here I sit. Lukewarm coffee and blinking cursor. And, as often is the case, I am not sure how to start. But writing helps immensely. It has always been cathartic.
............... 
And fifteen minutes later.....
So, it's pretty astonishing to me that there are things, like major things, about myself I am just now discovering. It also astonishes me how deeply one can bury something and how easily that "something" can rise, uninvited, to the surface. 
Here it is:
I have abandonment issues. I mean, I have lots of issues, but never would I have ever said that abandonment was one of them. 
It's true, so much of who we are as people is shaped in childhood. 
And sometimes your childhood is effed up. 
My grandparents practically raised me and my twin brother because my parents divorced before my first birthday. And when you're 21, having two babies puts a significant damper on the single lifestyle. 
Growing up, I would overhear stories, like my mom would often drop my bro…

The Ushering

November was ushered in quietly with rainfall.

Soft at first.

Then at some point during the night, I awoke to the sound of rain pelting the earth. There is something I find so comforting about listening to the rain. A peacefulness washes over me and I feel like I can breathe. Like really breathe deep.

This morning, dappled dewdrops shone like jewels sparkling in the sunlight. It was quite breathtaking in person. {the picture doesn't do it justice}


And I opened the front door and the blinds in an attempt to let it all inside. Because sometimes that's where the disconnect lies. On the inside.

Slow down. Breathe. Let the moments, hours, days, and months be ushered in softly with grace.

{And Life isn't about running from the downpours and wishing things away}

It's to be embraced, for all of it is a gift.

And I am feeling so thankful today. For rain, for new months, for grace, for family, and friends who are my family....