I haven't been to church for weeks. Sure, I was working and had other stuff going on, but I know those are really just excuses. And, now when I say that I do not feel well, it's not a lie. I don't.
And I don't know what to do.
I never thought this week would come. The week where Glenn receives his last unemployment check. I remember the holidays last year; they were hard. I remember thinking how thankful I was that the following year wouldn't be like this one. And it's not.
It's worse.
So, while people are making holiday plans and doing their holiday shopping, I sit and ponder questions.
I look for cheaper places to live, but can't really find any. So, we stay and then what? I just took on more work, but it's not enough.
It is a horrible feeling to realize that I cannot provide for my family (even working 50 hours a week).
I feel as if I am hanging on by a thread and I am about to lose everything. Even my dreams of late are permeated with loss.
But I pause. I try to remember the one thing I cannot lose. And I know this is for my own good. And I know that I am in His hands and He has my family there also
I remember the times before where He has intervened in dire situations. I look to the Scriptures and see where He says it's not easy. I see over and over again His matchless love and I know that it is for me too.
And I cling to the tiniest mustard seed you have ever seen, but He said that was enough.
2 comments:
i feel as if you peered into my window and saw me contemplate similar situations in my own home...i;ve been in church but have not wanted to be there. i feel as if the horrible reality of jobs / money / no money / etc etc etc are hovering just outside the door and one day it will blow open and everything falls in upon us...not a day has past in just this week where a "new bill" or late fee was not assessed.. Thanks so much for sharing. I will pray for you and yours and covet your prayers for us as well. Here's looking forward to the other side.
i am and will be praying for you. *hugs*
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