A New {School} Year’s Resolution

I have always loved the start of a new school year. The last few years haven’t held that same magic for me. I can pinpoint some specific reasons as to why this was, but overall I think it was more nuanced and complicated. 

I am someone who will give her all until there is almost nothing left. This can be especially problematic when there is an ever-increasing workload and not enough help. I have struggled with the four B’s (which is not a thing, I just made it up because I like alliteration): Burnout, Bitterness, Balance, and Boundaries. 

I would be on the verge of burnout, develop feelings of bitterness (which I felt guilty about) but wouldn’t implement appropriate balance and boundaries because how could I when the needs were so great? 

And so it went. This dysfunctional dance with a recurring chorus of demoralization. 

I was in such a bad space last year, that receiving the monthly wellness offering emails would trigger me. 

I have a renewed resolve, however, to find the magic again, to let things go, especially things I have absolutely no control over in the first place. I resolve to focus on my own wellness. 

I want to get back to the person I was BC (before Covid). I want to radiate positivity. I want to find the joy in all of it. I want to respond with love and kindness in every situation. I want to seek to understand and assume good intentions. I want to feel valued and seen and heard. Moreover, I want others to feel valued, supported, seen, and heard by me. 

I resolve to take deep breaths and lunch breaks. I resolve to ask for help and take mental health days if needed. I will be honest and not hide on the hard days. 

I resolve to remember that I have the ability to control how I respond to things. I will respond in ways which are helpful and productive instead of something like, “Are you fucking kidding me?!” (I know, it makes me sad, too, but I am being honest). 

I feel ready to go back, which hasn’t been the case in quite some time.  I feel ready to seek out the beautiful magic that happens when we work together for the good of everyone. I feel so ready to get up every day and feel excited again.