In which I relate to Ecclesiastes

For Lent, I wanted to add something and not take something away.

I saw a challenge from Margaret Feinberg to read through the Bible. I thought that this was a great idea. The first two weeks I stayed the course, but eventually fell behind. Instead of completely giving up, however, I jumped back in. Today's reading included all of Ecclesiastes.

And all the "Meaningless! Meaningless!" resonated with me.

It wasn't but two or so weeks ago that I found myself  in the parked car in my driveway. Hiding in the dark, holding knees to chest and crying. Silently at first. Then, it all welled up and spilled out, this uncensored grief. "Shit! Everything is shit! And I can't take it anymore. I am so very tired of all of this shit!"

In that moment, that was all that I had. In that moment, I cried out to God and all I could offer was my brokenness wrapped in expletives.

It was raw. It was honest. And somehow, down deep, I know it meant more than all of the prayers I've muttered with careful words devoid of any true feeling.

And God meets us in the mire {and there is a season for everything}

The charge at the end of Ecclesiastes is to fear God and keep His commands. The Shema {Love God. Love others}.

Tonight, I am grateful beyond words for a God that can handle my gut-wrenching honesty. Tonight, I am so humbled by His merciful love and the people He places in my life that love me and uplift me by their words and deeds {they are my people, my community}

As this Lenten season moves closer and closer towards the Cross, I, too, am moving. And I leave my heart there at the foot. All bare. And I, in all of my brokenness, will love Him and others {therein, after all, lies the true meaning}