Labor Pains

Twenty years ago, I was about to deliver my first child. I had already been in labor for 36 hours and in the hospital for 5 days. I was very sick with pre-eclampsia.

I remember at one point thinking that I wasn't sure if I would make it through. The labor pains kept coming and I was so very exhausted to the point of almost blacking out. I remember all of the people and the blinding lights and the nurses yelling at me to "push!"

And the process of birthing is all very messy. And painful. The pains of bearing a child never go away. They are just felt in the womb of the heart instead.

I felt them 5 days later when I brought him back to the hospital with a fever of 103 and an infection {from a prolonged labor}. There were inconsolable tears, lumbar punctures and bruised heels from blood draws and an IV in his head.

And my mother's heart has felt the pain of my boys' sicknesses, skinned knees, hurt feelings, wounded spirits, and the loss of loved ones.

And my mother's heart has felt the pain of careless words, poor choices, defiance, lessons learned the hard way, and all of the ways in which growing up is challenging {and frustrating}.

It has been messy. I have made my share of mistakes. It has been painful. But, in it all, it has been so rewarding. I think it is the things that are hard - the things that we endure no matter what - that ultimately give us the most joy.

At the end of each day, even on the hardest of days, I have always been thankful to be a mom.

I can't help but think how much more our Heavenly Father cares for us. Even in the mess. Even in the pain. Even when we choose to learn things the hard way.

My prayer is that my boys will always know that they are loved no matter what and that no matter what they have a Savior that loved them enough to die for them.