Of Regret and Joy

It's Sunday afternoon and sunshine spills onto the wood floor in symmetrical lines from the window blinds. And there are thin lines etched across my forehead that continue to trace the time like a map of bygone years.

I can handle wrinkles, and the fact the my eyes now crinkle when I smile, it's the regret that is so very hard to accept.

I used to be the "what if?" queen. I would spend wasted hours dwelling on all of the different scenarios and the possible outcomes that could have been.

The problem with what-ifs and could-have-beens is that they rob you. They rob you of precious time, and they rob you of any sliver of contentment. The realities of my life always paled in comparison to the scenarios I conjured up in my own head. I have learned the hard way and have become better {not perfect} at trying not to vicariously live through a fictitious life.

But, today, here I sit reflecting on my realities and the choices I have made.

Ultimately, I have come to realize a few things: our life here on this earth is finite. There is nothing I can do to change the past, however, there is grace to cover it. And every day is full of new possibilities and challenges. I can embrace them, or act victimized by them, remembering that easy was never promised. Things that are easy tend to be taken for granted, anyway. I have a purpose.

I may never be a published author, or a size 2, or a myriad of other things, but the joy really is in the journey. Joy in the everyday. Even the hard-joy of regret and learning from mistakes and learning to easily forgive {including forgiving myself}. And loving along the way.

If I can demonstrate the sacrificial love of Jesus to those I come in contact with from strangers to my closest family and friends, then I will have, by grace, accomplished the greatest of all ambitions and there won't be any room for what-ifs or regret.