When You Lose Sight of the Manger

It is Christmas Eve. I am sitting on my couch in the same pajamas I have had on since Friday night. And I miss my grandparents. I am lonely.

I am the only one who really celebrates Christmas in my house. A plea to put up the tree is met with a "You go ahead...have fun." No one wants to listen to Christmas music, so I resort to my earbuds. No one wants to bake, just eat the end results. No one cares that there aren't presents, because all they really want anyway is as much cash as I will give them. And no one has the desire or time for church.

And it all begins to diminish...

The images of happy families converging together to celebrate is so foreign to me. Somehow, it becomes about everything else. And I have never been able to live up to people's expectations. It is almost with a sense of apology that I will present small tokens to those I love, somehow fearful that they will miss the thought behind my second-hand gifts. But it's not about that at all.

And all of this (the grumpiness, the consumerism) has caused me to lose sight of what is truly important. The only gift that could ever matter is God's indescribable gift: Jesus. That is all. That is enough.

So, I draw my heart to the cradle and remember. I will do my best to love all of the bah humbugs in my life. I will cling to the holy. I will be thankful for all of my blessings. My boys are still breathing. I have a roof over my head that keeps out the rain. I have this moment.

I am going to take a scorching hot shower and wash all of it away. Then I will leave early for church to get a poinsettia for Bernice. She hasn't any family. I want her to know that she is thought of and never alone. Because, after all, that is the real message of Christmas, is it not?

O Holy Night! The stars are brightly shining;
It is the night of the dear Savior’s birth.
Long lay the world in sin and error pining.
Till He appeared and the Spirit felt its worth.
A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices,
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.
Fall on your knees! Oh, hear the angel voices!
O night divine, the night when Christ was born;
O night, O Holy Night, O night divine!
O night, O Holy Night, O night divine!