Enough

I have had a long day at work. Between all of the typical beginning of the year items, plus the construction and periods without a/c or power, suffice it to say it has been a little more hectic than normal.

I come home and I am tired. I am hot. I am slightly grumpy and all I want to do is sit and be, but I cannot. It is 4:30. Glenn is leaving for work and Jaden is hungry. He wants to know what we're having for dinner. That is a very good question. I don't want to think about it. I want to pick up the phone and order pizza.

But. I. can't.

You see, I don't have money for pizza. I have approximately $5 in my bank account to last until Friday.

It has been a very long season. Glenn has been unemployed for 20 months, just recently procuring a part-time, ill-paying job. The thing is, he wants to work, but full-time work is hard to come by these days. This has been extremely rough on our family.

Most days I'm fine, but I have to admit that sometimes I tire of the situation. Sometimes it's hard to see everyone around you enjoying summer to the fullest with vacations and frivolity. Not that I begrudge them of this, I just wish that we could have done something too. But, that's not my reality and I feel guilty for wanting such things in a season of loss, where basics come first.

So, I go to my kitchen and look in the mostly empty fridge. I have bacon and eggs. Breakfast for dinner it is. I am still not feeling it. I hate cooking bacon and the spattering bacon fat that pops and burns my arms. I serve my kids and then scramble an egg for me.

In the meantime, Jaden brings his plate in and says, "Thanks, mom, that was so good" and I am convicted...I need to be thankful!

Thankful for wonderful boys who don't complain much. Thankful that I was able to feed my boys tonight (not every mother can say that). Thankful for boys who aren't picky about the Goodwill clothes that have replaced the Target brand. Thankful for a selfless 17-year-old who watches his brother so his dad and I can work and offers us money from his part-time job when we need it. For health and friends and family and a God who has not abandoned us.

I am reminded of this passage from Matthew:

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

So, tonight I am reminded to walk out this faith of mine in a real way, not a cliche, and trust in a good God who has given me everything I need, but not everything I want. For this, I am glad.

I pray that my heart will remain teachable, so that I can gleam what God wants me to learn from this season.

For now, I know...

I have enough.