Heard (conclusion)

And so it went. Without her voice, the little girl retreated inward. She imagined a different reality for herself, where she was seen. Where she was loved. One day, when it all became too much, she left the home that held her captive and rode her rusty bicycle to the end of the street. There, she would stage an accident. She waited in that dirty pile of leaves. Waiting for someone or something to rescue her.

Eventually, a lady stopped and asked the girl lying in the leaves if she was okay.

Fine.

All she could muster was 'Fine.'

She was always fine.

The girl's mother had a bad track record when it came to men. Her second husband was no exception, and he, like the others, wouldn't last long.

And it was like a miracle. Finally the prayer she prayed to her favorite Tears for Fears song was being answered {nothing ever lasts forever}

And for the first time in two years, the girl tried to reassure herself that the nightmares were only in her head, not in the middle of the night or anytime she was left alone with him.

She probably would've remained quiet had he stayed away, but that wasn't her fate. And the girl, who wasn't little anymore,  knew that she would have find the courage. She would have speak the unspeakable in order to protect her little sister. There was never any other option.

So, she took her notebook and wrote a note to her P.E. teacher. Ms. Coats seemed like a good choice since the previous month they all watched a PSA about not keeping secrets and the difference between a 'good touch' and 'bad touch.'

The very next day she called to the office where her mother's guilt-ridden face was waiting, but she was the one who felt ashamed. Then came the subsequent trip back to the scene of the crime so to speak. There, she would be forced to undergo a physical exam and talk to a slew of detectives and psychologists. One of the sessions, she was given a paper and pencils and was asked to draw a picture. Even at 13, she saw right through this request. She obliged by drawing a bouquet of heart-shaped balloons floating up in the sky. She wondered if their analysis would lead them to conclude that she desired love and freedom.

Both sentiments still ring true today.

And nothing ever happened. Some people are good at hiding.

The statute of limitation has long since passed, but not for that little girl, who become a timid teenager, and stumbling adult.

But, when she needed to protect the well-being of another, she ultimately found her voice.

And she continues to do so, learning to speak when it matters, even when it's scary. Learning to stop apologizing for things that are not her fault.

Little by little, she is becoming fearless.

And somehow, by God's unfathomable grace, she knows she is free.

{I am free}