A Mandate

Today is Maundy Thursday. Some people call is Holy Thursday. I have always appreciated the significance of this day. It is a day we remember Jesus' words: " A new command I give you: love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another."

Love. The opposite of hate. 

And He washed their feet. And He washed Judas' feet. He knew Judas' heart. He knew that Judas would betray Him, but He still washed his feet. Demonstrative love. 

And that kind of love - the kind that Jesus commanded us to emulate - doesn't ask us to decide who is deserving. It doesn't call for us to only love those we deem worthy of love. Or easier yet: those like us; those who don't threaten our sensibilities. 

And I just can't. I can't understand. 

I drove by a group of protesters the other day. They were down the street from a Planned Parenthood. There were adults down to elementary-aged children holding bright anti-abortion signs with pictures of ultrasounds and others of what looked like dismembered fetuses. And I just cannot fathom all that time and energy and resources. That isn't loving others. That is shaming them. 

Oh, how I wish that these people could have found a way to truly love others instead of belittle or shame them. To find ways to meaningfully intersect where there is hurt. Where people are scared and lost. To demonstrate love to those who need it the most. To serve. A modern day washing of the feet. 

And I just can't. I can't bring myself to church anymore. It's not for lack of trying. I've tried. Maybe the wounds prevent me from really trying anymore. But, I have tried plenty. 

I feel like I don't belong. I just don't fit in. And I don't, really. 

I don't belong in straight pews with rehearsed sermons and songs. I am way too messy for all of that. 

The other day, the mister and I were in the check out line at Trader Joe's. The man in front of us had forgotten his wallet, so I told the cashier to add his order to ours. The cashier was so taken aback by this. He couldn't believe that we were paying for someone else's items. He commented that this gesture was the nicest thing he had witnessed in a long time. 

And it made me sad, honestly. I mean, what does it really say about the state of humanity that someone purchasing eight dollars of groceries for someone else is the nicest thing he had seen in a long time? 

I don't know. 

Love. A command. 

Love each other. 

Make a difference.

That is all. 

Just love.