Feeling stagnate is complicated; when it is stripped bare, complacency lingers. One may wonder how someone can become stagnant while experiencing change. Yet, that is exactly where I have found myself the last few weeks. I could not anticipate how this week of waiting would become so hard.
Change, even welcome change, is stressful. There are new possibilities, but also many unknowns. Through this transition from one place to another, from one season to another, I have sought God and received His gracious mercy and peace. I know that His timing has been perfect, so why the seemingly unnecessary, complicated feelings?
Even when we have our answers, it is in the waiting where we need to remember and embody the fruit of the spirit that is patience. I couldn't agree more with Tom Petty: You take it on faith, you take it to the heart. The waiting is the hardest part.
One of my friends, Joy, is trying to wait patiently for the arrival of a son. I have the honor of supporting her during her labor, so I, too, wait. I have my phone with me at all times. I sleep with it next to my head, ready for a possible 2am call. I wait. Anxiously. Expectantly.
As I was reflecting this morning, God spoke to my heart. There is something to this waiting that prepares us. There is something to the in between times that causes us to cling a little closer to our heavenly father like a child clings to a parent for reassurance.
And it then becomes so clear that the cure for stagnation is anticipation. I think about the alternate definition of pregnant: to have rich implications; to have possibilities. As long as we have breath, our lives are full of pregnant possibilities. And then comes the teaching (I am so glad that God doesn't tire of teaching me and showing me His goodness over and over): God is continually trying to birth new things in me, but let's face it, labor is hard. How would it look differently in my life if I treated the pregnant possibilities He graciously gives me with the same excited anticipation?
And I don't have the answer this evening, but my heart feels undeniably pregnant with anticipation for what will come.